


Sometimes I feel discouraged (And think my work's in Vain)

by BroadwayBaggins



Category: Mercy Street (TV)
Genre: Female Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Mentions of Death, diphtheria, disease outbreak, epidemic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23200537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroadwayBaggins/pseuds/BroadwayBaggins
Summary: In the face of tragedy, Mary finds it hard to go on.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Sometimes I feel discouraged (And think my work's in Vain)

Every muscle in Mary’s body ached. Her eyes were almost bleary with tiredness, and she blinked them furiously several times, willing them to focus. She was no good to her patients, the poor men and women of the contraband camp, if she was stumbling around half-blind. _Get it together, Phinney,_ she told herself sternly. They deserve your best. _It’s up to you to give it to them_.

Today had been harder than most. Several days ago, a few of the camp’s children had come down with a sore throat and fever–not entirely uncommon, especially when living in such close quarters as they all were. Medicine had been dispensed and the children monitored, but the illness had spread anyway, affecting first half a dozen, then twenty, then nearly thirty, young and old alike. Charlotte and Mary had noticed the swollen necks on the first few children to get sick, and Jed was sent for. His diagnosis confirmed their worst fears: diphtheria.

The disease was dangerous in the best case scenario, deadly at worst, and it seemed that the moment a patient had turned a corner and was getting better, another fell ill. Mary didn’t want to think about the ones they had lost already–an old man who had lived his entire life in bondage, dying so soon after finally finding freedom, a two-year-old little girl, so full of life just a few days before…

A tear slipped out before she could stop it, and she brushed it away angrily. She took a deep, shuddering breath, putting her hand on her chest and trying to calm herself. Being upset wouldn’t solve anything. Being upset wouldn’t make anyone better…

“Nurse Mary, are you all right?”

The sound of Charlotte’s contralto voice made Mary turn around, blinking back the rest of her tears. “Fine,” she croaked out. Charlotte looked unconvinced. “It’s just…it’s been a long day.”

Charlotte nodded, studying Mary with a look that she couldn’t quite name. “I’d wager we have more days like it to come. You can’t let it get to you, Nurse Mary.”

“I know,” Mary said quickly. “I try not to. I thought I’d gotten better, treating the wounded men…but these people, to have come so far and suffered so much…” she trailed off, biting her lip. The faces of those they had already lost swam in her mind, and she knew that there would be more to come.

“I know it’s hard. I find it comforting to know that they got at least a taste of freedom before they passed,” Charlotte said gently. “And to focus on the ones we can still save. Doctor Foster said that there are fewer new cases today than there were yesterday. That’s progress. That’s something to hold on to.”

“I know. I’m…I’m trying.” So rarely did Mary let her calm facade slip–only when she was around Jed, usually, although Emma sometimes got a glimpse as well. She hoped Charlotte would not judge her for this lapse, not when they were supposed to be the lighthouses in the storm, a beacon of calm and hope for those around them.

“I know. It will get better, Mary.” The other woman reached out and laid a hand on Mary’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’re in the thick of it now–out of the frying pan and into the fire. But it will get better. You’ll see. These people are strong, and they have much to fight for. We can still beat this. You’ll see.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a tumblr prompt from tortoiseshells, "Through the Fire." This deals with a deadly outbreak of disease, so feel free to skip if you're not up to reading. 
> 
> Title comes from verse 2 of the hymn "There is a Balm in Gilead"


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